Talking to Your Partner About Circumcision

Some of these articles are meant for you to read before you talk to your partner so that you can better understand the best way to approach this topic. Some of these articles are meant for you to share with your partner. Everyone is different. Someone might be moved by watching a video of the procedure. Some by humor. Some by the passionate words of a father. You know your partner better than anyone. Try to find one or two pieces that you believe will make the biggest impact. If they won't take the time to read/watch, then sit down and read/watch with them. A little knowledge and common sense often go a long way.

For some partners, especially those who've been circumcised themselves, full understanding/agreement takes time. Know that your first responsibility is to protect your child from circumcision. Our materials can help you do that with confidence while your partner continues to learn or process.

The Wedge (Joe, Little Images, Board of Directors)
"You and your wife get along pretty well. I mean, you wouldn't have married her in the first place if that weren't the case, right? But there's one topic here in America that seems to drive a wedge between husband and wife that rocks at least one of you to the core. That wedge? Circumcision."

I Am Your Husband (Tracy Wicklund, Regret Father)
"I know it’s hard to take advice from people you don’t know, but I am different. Although we have never met, I am your husband. I am him in 18 months because 18 months ago, I was where he is now. Don’t believe me? I can prove it."

Two Moms, One Decision (Melissa, YWB Director)
". . . my wife and I were expecting our second and final child. Our first child — a daughter — was just under 2 years old. We were okay with raising a daughter because, well, we were two women. . . but a boy would be much different. We suspected this little one was a boy, so the thought of circumcision had crossed our minds, but we hadn't yet made a decision."

I Stopped Hiding
"I bullied and convinced my wife to cut our oldest child without any factual reasons. As soon as I witnessed my oldest get cut, I immediately knew I had made a bad decision."

The Fox Who Had Lost His Tail (Fabulous Fables)
"Once a fox, who had been running in the forest, became caught in a trap. With a great deal of pulling and tugging and pain, the fox finally escaped. Unfortunately, in order to escape the trap, the fox lost his tail. Without his tail, the fox did not feel like himself."

I'm Cut, I'm OK, So Cutting is OK (Daily Kos)
"One might ask, what good can come from encouraging men to examine what really happened to them?  The answer is simple and of critical importance.  A man unwilling or incapable of admitting the truth about his own circumcision, of necessity, will affirm his own manhood by diminishing that of his very own sons."

What to Do When You and Your Partner Don't Agree (Baby Center)
"In the end, my husband still wanted to circumcise. My heart sank. I knew I couldn't allow our son to be put through this when I felt in my heart that it was morally wrong. "

When Not to Submit to Your Husband (Focus on the Family)
"Is it ever appropriate for a woman to question her husband's judgment or to oppose his decisions when she believes he's in the wrong? If so, how does this fit in with Ephesians 5:22, where Paul says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord?" Are there any biblical examples of wives who took this kind of stance?"

The Male Perspective (Baby Center)
"As a man who greatly resents what was taken from me with genital cutting, I appreciate you asking for our opinion.  I understand that this may feel like just another one of those choices that parents make for their children.  But, this decision to cut your son's genitals will be his reality for the rest of his life."

Why Are We Still Circumcising Our Boys? (Good Men Project)
"Whether it was God, Mother Nature, or Darwin, the skin that we brutally cut or cauterize away is there for a purpose, a purpose that has been forgotten."

Why I Didn't Choose Circumcision (Huffington Post)
"I'm a bit depressed. Our midwife gave me a book about circumcision. I've started the book and can't put it down. I'm not sure that I'll ever fully recover. The book tells me that the foreskin is like an eyelid protecting the sensitive mucous membrane underneath. Circumcision removes this protective skin, so the skin underneath keratinizes, meaning it hardens and desensitizes, like a callus."

Fathers and Sons (Personal Blog)
"But we as men have a duty to protect not just ourselves, but our children.  That was when my delusions ended: when I had a son.  For the first time I had to really truly think about why my penis looks the way it does and whether I wanted to have part of my son's penis cut off as well.  Needless to say my wife and I decided that was NOT going to happen."

The Case For and Against Circumcision (The Onion-Satire)
"Every day, new parents across the country are confronted with the question of whether to circumcise their infant sons. Here are the strongest arguments for and against circumcision..."

Circumcision. I Did Not Consent and I'm Speaking Out. (Peaceful Papa)
"I always here the argument: 'I never hear guys complain about being circumcised.' Well, I’m here to tell you that you can no longer use this argument. Men complain. And often.  Besides, how often do you approach strangers and ask if they are happy with their circumcision (or lack thereof)? My guess is never."

Uncommon Sense from a Common Dad (The Whole Network)
"Do you remember what you wanted to do with your life as a child?  Most of us can clearly recall that memory, as can I.  My dad asked me the familiar question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Looking back at it now, maybe becoming a mad scientist was a little unrealistic. However, I remember my father’s response better than the daydreams of glowing chemistry beakers.  He told me, 'Just be a better man than me and be happy.'”

A Sample Letter to Your Husband (Scroll to the Bottom: The Whole Network)
"You are my husband and my life. I'm at my happiest when I'm with you and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love that we get along so well, and we can agree on so many things. It is one of those things that glues our marriage together. What makes our relationship so amazing is how we thrive and love each other, and give it our all. There's very little we disagree on when you really think about it, and it generally doesn't bother me too much, because I'm all about the compromise."

Real Life Testimonies (The Whole Network on Facebook)
"First and foremost - my husband will read anything I leave in the bathroom. Anything. So I printed out articles and left them in the bathroom. The other line of logic I used on him - we have a Doberman with intact ears. We learned about how painful and unnecessary it is for them to have their ears cropped. So I asked him 'If we wouldn't do it to our DOG, why would we do it to our SON?'"

Real Life Testimonies Part II (The Whole Network on Facebook)
"I didn't have problems, but I also said, "If we /do/ start a family, I won't circumcise any son we have. Thus, I don't want to even consider trying to conceive until I know we agree about that." It wasn't a question, and there was no disagreement. If it's that big an issue and you have the luxury of planning a family, just make it part of the deal."

Men Do Complain (Men Do Complain)
"Men circumcised as children (and therefore without their consent) often complain about their condition. Non-therapeutic genital cutting has significant physical and psychological consequences and has no proven benefits. Men who complain about having been circumcised without their informed consent are consistently  treated as having something wrong with them rather than being treated as having had something wrong done to them."

Videos for Your partner